The rain returned today. I watched it come in from miles out landward. Cold greys swarmed the banks of Mount Edgecumbe, the silent cratered volcano to the east. I could see the sky dropping on open ocean where the jetties point, the end of land and distant rolling waters flattening the horizon. It kept coming and by mid-morning droplets were falling on the windshield of my delivery van. I flipped the dial from blue to red, that's what i did... it cleared the glass of collecting condensation. I turned up NPR and listened to reports of nuclear failure, the G.O.P.'s demise and some crackpot adlib from Tony Blair. Sometimes it's so nice to hear a well-balanced leftist radio program, not too bias, just right.
I could ask the question, what the hell am i doing with my life? I could ask another person this same question and ruin their whole week. Some topics are touchy, that's why i'm going back to not overthinking everything. All of us dream of childhood, the return to unawareness~ bliss. But it's not so bad out here. There's plenty of bullshit; that's to be expected. And then there's all the stuff we put ourselves through unnecessarily. Or if you believe in G-O-D you have all these other things to worry about (cos He doesn't really take care of it, that's just an illusion). So that's why i'm embracing the menial, the mundane, the work of calluses. We need to think more with our bodies and less with our minds. Whatever gets you by...
Maybe it was the rain or the five cups of coffee... something brought me down to earth. I was floating away there on the wings of existentialism. Whenever you've been unaware of the passage of time, such as these past months for me~ self-realization comes at the price of many deductions. It's hard for me to admit i don't feel anything, that i'm not happy nor sad... and so i'll look for another reason until i've gone half-mad. And so i get back up and decide the hell with it anyway. Remember, madmen don't choose it thus... that's my mantra.
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