Sad sappy sucker.

I'm having one of those days where I want something to happen, for some absolute decision to be made, one way or another, and to whatever end. To just be done with it and to know where the hell I'm going at this time. Dramatic I know. I think that's the feeling of the day, a feeling I fed with dramatic music, all day in my ears playing old indie electronica. Styrofoam and Ms. John Soda and Lali Puna mixed in with all the old Bon Iver to drive my feelings madder.

And what's funny is there is no real decision to make and no real place to go. It's just a feeling. I think it has something to do with this wind that's been pushing at me all day; all these tall blades of grass and tules that've been beating at my sides as I walk through the marshes in Benicia. I'm looking out on the San Joaquin delta and watching the white caps curl toward the shore. I look down just in time... a small nest of blue-green eggs with little scratches of brown. Four of them sitting in this empty nest and my stupid foot hovering awkwardly above, moments away from impact. Red-wing blackbird, dime a dozen, though still special. I'm a sucker for that electric red wing patch. Bird's got style.

I was thinking about something, but I can't remember. The music is making its way through the inner recesses of my overly indulgent, sappy, introspective self. I could hide from it; I could turn the music off. Instead I go in and drown out the bird sound and wind and maybe even my co-workers, who knows, or any other that might want my ear. I'm thinking about you and you and you and me and me and me, all the additions and subtractions and possible conclusions of our meeting and matches. I can't stop smiling. This good fortune is killing me, but where's the off switch?

I think I'm gonna water it down. Lower this bar. Be philistine for my buddy Andrew over there in the Steel City. I'll board that plane next week and we'll see. For now, I'm thinking burgers and beer over in Oakland and maybe I'll talk a friend into watching a few innings of the Giants game. That's more like it...