In Response To Everyone...

{Nearing the podium the house lights raise to meet my eyes. A massive arch of light framed above the stage glints downward. The crowd has become silhouette, anonymous shadows seated beyond the stage. I can hear their tenebrous shuffles and murmers. My fingertips find the microphone before me and lightly tap a digital heartbeat. My fingers then reach toward the breast pocket of my shirt. They unfold a piece of paper neatly scrawled with a farewell speech.}

I guess i'm dead. And despite my steadfast belief that our spirit follows its corporeal form above and below ground... here i am.

Jesse: [Clears throat] Um, hello everyone [the four people that read this shit]. Thank you for coming. I would like all of you to feel free, at any time, to question or comment on anything i've said, or am about to say. To begin, i'd like to answer a few questions posed before my stylish exit from the secular life i was leading. Yes, Margie in the front row.

Margie: Were you really epically falling in and out of love at 17?

Jesse: Notwithstanding an enormous influx of viable drugs previously, yes... i believe i was. We led a healthy life together and meticulously studied food labels. Wholesome and whole-grain have a similar ring, don't they?
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Andrew: Is there really any reason to get bombed out of your gourd by yourself?

Jesse: From time to time, yes. But one needs to get bombed on only the finest. This forces moderation by sheer inability to afford frequent debauchery, as well as solves the problem of poor taste and wicked hangovers from cheap liquor.
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Manita: Do you ever plan to not make any plans in an attempt to be present?

Jesse: Yes, but it rarely works in the Western World. The way i feel, there's plenty of time for everything, including fruitless planning. What ever happened to that gig for being a Seahawks massage therapist? You'd get to meet the Seattle SeaGals...
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Dustin: Why do the Seahawks suck so bad this year? And do you feel in any way attached to their failure?

Jesse: They suck because they struggle with putting points on the board, and also find it difficult to stop opponents from doing the same. And yes, their failure resonates deeply with me. We are bound like Pepsi and diabetes.
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Benjamin: Remember when i toasted you on the Chinese New Year in San Francisco, that you may not hold any more grudges? How's that working out for you?

Jesse: Well, it's going pretty well. I only have one now and i'm working real hard on it...
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Anne: Do you love Jesus?

Jesse: I had to answer that question for at least a decade. Next question please... Yes, the old man in the back row.
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Peter: Did you see the light?

Jesse: No, not until ten in the morning. And then it set at half past two. Alaskan winters...

TO BE CONTINUED...