The case that is me

I recently received an email from an old friend I met traveling in Colombia. I forget the circumstances of our meeting, but I remember finding him to be a very unlikely friend to have. A dutchman with stringy hair in loose curls falling past the chin. A prominent beak of a nose and goofy smile. And the strange compliment of an incredibly chiseled body from weightlifting, and a playful egomania to accompany.

We ended up traveling together loosily for a week or so... a few days together in a city, a few apart while we wandered off into the sticks. This happened a couple times until I took a more lasting leap to some islands off the coast and he headed into the dense rainforests of Ecuador. We just got in touch again and this is what he wrote:

Hi there mister Encyclopedia! That's what I called you, but I am not sure I shared that piece of information with you;) You were that guy who had an answer and explanation on everything, highly annoying! You were that existentialist who was questioning everything. Pretty stressful! But somehow I thought you were a special kind of type. So I am happy hearing from you! Whats up, what became of you? Still chessplaying?

I am happy in The Netherlands, and working for an American company. Making lots of money, but it doesnt satisfy me anymore. I am planning new careers, will tell you one day if my plans succeeded...

Ciao Jesse

Warm regards
Jurre

I was a little shocked at my quick reaction to this note. Honestly, I have to say it broke my heart a little and caused a hollow wreck inside my chest where I leapt between a few thoughts, searching for an explanation. The first was, Well my God... he's exactly right! That was me and is still, regardless of the years passed. And is that how he really felt? Was I unbearable? Another was dull rage at his approach, shouting inside me, I was 19 years old! It was appropriate the way I felt, the way I voiced my opinions, and believed that things were happening... actually happening, and that I played some integral part in its evolution. I was a kid, give me a break! And you Jurre! Should I even start? Womanizer! Egomaniac! I talked that stupid girl into trusting you, that Colombiana that you bedded and left! The one with the doe eyes and vacant brain cavity! Oscar Wilde wrote, I am not young enough to know everything. Exactly! A rite of passage! A sad sad, yet hilarious privilege that was mine!

And so I raged for a spell and got it out of my system. I came back to the letter a few days later. I could still feel some self-pity crooning down deep and mulled on it for a while. It's a bummer to realize you've been a pain in the ass and that your personality can be trying; and, that someone you reserved judgement on, didn't do the same for you. But I had to laugh... at my sensitivity, and at his choice of words and the obvious fact he had meant no harm and was merely pointing out a fact or two. I also laughed at the likelihood that I would still, never write back.

To all those who grew up with me and had to field my manias on a daily basis, I apologise and thank you for bearing with me. And I won't pretend that I'm not still a trying bastard when it comes to opinions and matters of intensity. I'm indebted to your patience and support. I take a low bow now and quietly backpeddle behind the curtain...